But like what I have said, I might be addicted to it, to the point that one blog site is not enough for me. So here I am, thinking about the things that I have seen while scanning in my old friendster account. I can’t help but be nostalgic as I browsed old comments and stuff. And of course, I wasn’t able to stop myself from checking the accounts of a few friends, or not really friends but interesting people.

Okay. Now that made me feel guilty. Yeah. I know I shouldn’t have done it but it was automatic, almost like a reflex. I’ve been trying to be a good girl really. And it’s working, or at least that’s how I see things. But there are times that while exploring this cyberspace, I can’t help but give in to the temptations of checking someone’s account.

But there should be something redeeming in this entry. Something that I still don’t know. I’ve made the best decision available for me, the most honest and where most people I know, including me, would be happiest. But I still feel guilty over things that I know I could never control. I guess no matter how bitchy I am, I still coudn’t stand hurting people around me just to make things work for my own benefit.

Ooops. I don’t know what led me to this part of my entry. I just wanted to tell everyone (as for those who still don’t have a Facebook account) that I am alive and kicking.

After I have bought all these, that would be the only time that I will start saving money for my small but romantic wedding at Calaruega, Tagaytay. To be honest, I haven’t been there. But “M” loves the place so much. Besides, I also saw a couple of nice photos and I told myself, “Why not?”

Feels weird. I’m talking about the whole wedding thing when I’m not even sure if “M” is going to marry me at all. Afraid of a long-term commitment? Maybe. I’m not sure. Knowing that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me is enough.

How tall were you again? Do you still wear your favorite cap? or your Chucks? Do still play basketball? Or do you still look like that local celebrity you always brag about? I have almost forgotten how you look like. It has been so long since I last saw you, since we last talked to each other.

I terribly miss you. I want to send you a text message. Sometimes, I want to call you. I miss you.

Then, “M” and I is a bit shaky. We’ve been fighting almost everyday. A while ago, he was so mad at me he wanted to leave me. I pulled him and stared at him. I was waiting for something magical and a fairy tail-ish hug while he says sorry but he simply removed my hand from his and went back inside the house. He’s not going to be with his family tonight because I asked him not to. I’m being very selfish for the past few days and there’s no point of denying that fact. I’m not proud of it though. I know that I’ll pay for it. One way or another, I know that I will pay for it.

I met the cousin of my used-to-be-crush-of-my-life. He’s good looking and famous but I’m not interested. Besides, I don’t want my used-to-be-crush-of-my-life to know that I’ve been talking to anyone related to him. Hah! He sounded a little frustrated with me during the Misa de Gallo last December 24.  He greeted me but I didn’t respond. I’m not proud of what I did. As a matter of fact, I think it was so High School-ish of me to do that.  So immature. But after finding out everything… The reason why he started texting me all over again… It’s just so annoying.  Hah! Annoying would be an understatement.

Anyway, I saw someone today as I was going to a nearby store. I just stared at him. He stared back. That was it. Oh. I think I should give myself more credit for being such a good girl. But of course, at the back of my mind, the hell with this guy. It seems to me that he is too confident he had the guts to look straight into my eyes. If I were him, I would not rely on Ja’s temper.

Then, there was another someone in my YM today. I was so tempted to say ‘Hi’ but after our last conversation, I don’t think it would still be appropriate. Just like what he said, he needs all the privacy in the world. So there.

Good thing I have friends like Dan who is more than willing to share time with me. Chat via YM and in real life too. Over merienda that is. Of course, to “M” who has always been so supportive of me. You know I love you “M”. Just try not to be so sleepy all the time.

I think that the movie paid too much attention to the you and me against the world love story of Edward and Bella. Then, during the the tracking scenes of James and the Cullen family, too many vital scenes were deleted. The airport scene was not included when in fact it could have added more drama.

I have always said that I didn’t like the way Meyer have written the book. So I was hoping that the movie would do better. But the movie was worse than the book.

P.S.

On our way home, I told “M” why his skin was not icy cool like Edward’s. Then, he said… “Kasi I’m Hot”. WTF.